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WORKING OUT TO WORK IT OUT.
As I write this, the government of Canada is in the throes of a campaign to encourage awareness about the current state of the nation's health. We are suffering from a chronic lack of physical exercise! The health issues should be obvious. Obesity is on the rise, especially among children and teens. Our poor diet and stationary lifestyle is having a dangerously negative effect on our bodies. And further evidence suggests that we all are aware of the problem, even if we fail to effectively address the issue. Every January, gym membership sales go through the roof. But by March, those promises we made to ourselves are forgotten and the money we spent to join the fitness club is lost income. While we all are aware that a lack of proper exercise leads to physical health issues, some of us might be forgetting that physical movement and exercise affects our emotional well being too.
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THE POWER WITHIN
People come to a life coach like me because they are looking to empower themselves. They have personal obstacles they need to overcome, they want to become extraordinary individuals, or they simply want to be happier with their lives. Most folks come to me hoping that I can give them something that will help them get where they want to go, like going to a car dealership to get a new vehicle or a travel agent to purchase a vacation package. The irony is that, when you get right down to the brass tacks, I can't give you anything you don't already have. My only job is to show you how to tap into the power you already have.
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UNDERSTANDING
THE PARADIGM SHIFT
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THE SEARCH FOR QUALITY
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The other day, during one of my commutes out of the city, I found myself stuck in more ways then one. I was stuck in gridlock traffic, and I was stuck with a hard case of writer’s block. For almost a week I had been trying to come up with the perfect way to explain the concept of the paradigm shift. After all, finding the power to make a paradigm shift is critical in making the best out of one’s recovery. But it is also a tricky idea to grasp. Our personal paradigms are slippery creatures. We can be fooled into thinking that they are objective and somehow unchangeable, and, as such, we can become trapped by them. I was looking for an illustration that was simple, non-threatening and completely universal.
At that point, I was at a loss.
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When you think about it, there really is only one reason to engage the services of a life-coach. Clients want to improve the quality of their lives. But each case appears different because everyone has a unique personal idea about what the word “Quality” means. Many see money and wealth as big factors in their vision of a life of Quality. Of course, there are many people who have money but who aren't happy with their lives. Many years ago, I was just such a person. I had money, but my life lacked Quality. Deciding to pursue a life of Quality, to discover for myself what Quality means, to set my own standards and pursue my dreams with vigour are what turned my life from and exercise in drudgery to an adventure of great value.
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TOOLS FOR MAKING THE PARADIGM SHIFT
When I am coaching people in recovery, I see my job as being very straightforward. I am here to help my clients understand and realize their own potential.
Many of them are focussed on the circumstances in their life that they cannot change. I work with them to help them see that, in life, its not what happens to you that makes it worthwhile, it is what you do about it. I see my clients as rich in undiscovered potential. It is really up to them to take on the training that will help them discover this for themselves.
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THE BLAME GAME PART ONE
THE SLIPPERY SLOPE
We have all heard the saying that “life is unfair.” But, whenever we experience hard times, that old chestnut brings little comfort. When a person first experiences trauma, that last thing they want to hear from anyone is that “life is unfair.” The trauma victim is well aware of life’s inequities! What they are looking for is a “fix.” They want to rectify the situation. They want to get their life back. And, very often, they want justice. They feel that they have been wronged and they want something done about it
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| THE BLAME GAME PART TWOFORGIVENESS AND GRACE
Perhaps one of the most powerful films you will ever see in your life, especially if you are in recovery, is an American documentary called Forgiving Josef Mengel. This is the incredible story of Eva Kor, a Holocaust survivor who, in the January 1995, re-visited the Auschwitz prison camp where she and her twin sister were subjected to horrifying medical experiments some 50 years beforehand. On the very ground where she was once held prisoner Eva Kor said in front of a group of witnesses, "In my own name, I forgive all Nazis."
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THE BLAME GAME PART THREE
THE NEED FOR CHANGE
In Parts One and Two of this series of essays on the Blame Game, I have mentioned several times that it is very normal to blame. The problem with blame is not that it is wrong, but that it is a dead end. There comes a time in every journey of recovery where the recovering person is faced with a frightening and intimidating prospect. In order to move on, in order to recover as best as they can, as best as is scientifically possible, they will have to go through a test of character that will challenge them, and force them to be, not ordinary, but extra-ordinary. They will have to become a kind of a giant, if you will, a sort of hero, who goes on a journey that normal people will never experience and never fully understand. To put it simply, they will have to change who they are on a fundamental level. There will come a time in your recovery where you will realize that you are not the same person who experienced the accident. You will feel transformed. Casting aside blame and taking full ownership of your life and everything in it is the first step to a deep spiritual change in you as a human being. It is also your key to a full and successful recovery
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THE BLAME GAME PART FOUR
THE WORK NEVER ENDS.
As I have said before in this series of essays, to blame others for what has gone wrong in our lives is a normal behavior. To forgive and then forsake blame is exceptional. In this, the last essay of this series on the Blame Game, we will discuss how exceptional people remain extra-ordinary throughout their whole lives.
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LOOKING AT DEPRESSION
400 years ago, a philosopher named John Donne coined a phrase that is as true now as it ever was then. He said, “No man is an Island…” and he was warning us not live apart from each other, avoiding the process of relating to one another. But, in this highly individualised society that we live in, it seems people rarely heed John Donne’s immortal words. We still live as if our lives are disconnected, as if it doesn’t matter that we barely know each other.
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ON THE ISSUE OF PAIN
One of the most sensitive issues in the recovery process is dealing with pain. The relationship we have with pain is complex and layered, not only for people in recovery, but for almost everyone in our society. We are a culture that takes great effort in avoiding pain, both mental and physical. And, in our avoidance, we often make things worse, either by burying our pain so that it explodes out of us at unexpected or inappropriate times, or by covering that pain up with drugs, alcohol or other substances that can lead to addiction and other problems. Health care professionals agree that pain must be confronted and dealt with in a positive way, or they will surely lead to further, more uncomfortable episodes down the road. But what if your pain is truly unbearable? What if you are one of those people in recovery that are enduring the kind of catastrophic physical agony that able-bodied people simply cannot understand? Where do those people go to find relief? And why should they even bother to face their pain?
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WHAT IS GOING TO WORK FOR YOU
We are more magnificent then we really know …it is our power and brightness (that) we are afraid of, not our weaknesses.- Maryanne Williamson
If you are reading this book, then chances are, you, or someone you love is struggling with a recovery, and you have turned to this book in the hopes of uncovering some answers.
I wrote this book to help people like you. But whether or not it will help is really up to you.
My understanding of recovery, the pain, the sorrows, the victories and the deep spirituality that one discovers on this journey, started with a near fatal accident on a drizzling summer night when I was hit by a drunk driver on a near-empty street. I went through all the standard phases of recovery, both mentally an physically, and learned a lot about what is possible for all people if they are ready to do the work that will make them free again.
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LIFE IS A BEACH
Every year, some time in the dead of winter, four of my best friends and I go some place warm for a few days, and take in the tropical sun at an all inclusive
Caribbean resort. I have noticed that, at many of these hotels, there are people on staff whose singular job is to make sure that the guests participate in fun activities. These staff members walk about the grounds with big smiles, coaxing guests to take part in beach volleyball, step aerobics, dance contests-- you name it. Quite
often, the guests resist.
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THE HEALING POWER OF LISTENING
Most people will tell you that being articulate is the key to being a great communicator. As a professional life coach, I stress to my clients that being a good listener is equally important. Still, even a coach like myself can forget, from time to time, just how powerful it is to simply listen. I received a rather pointed wake-up call on the subject not too long ago. It was during what might have otherwise been an ugly incident, but which turned out to be a great moment between two old friends.
In that conversation, I learned more about the power of listening then I have from any book...
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THE MYTH OF SUPERMAN
Seeing true “personal power” within yourself
I have a nephew who loves comics. He reads and collects them avidly. Batman, Superman, Spiderman, the X-Men; he reads them all. And he's not the only one. Nowadays
comics are big business, with complex story lines and beautiful artwork, far more integrate then when
I was a boy, and spinning off into popular movies and TV shows. It's all a lot of fun...
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SETTING THE ROOM:
The Speaker’s Toolbox
Recently I gave a workshop at the district 60 Spring Conference on “Setting the Room to Win.” The gist of my message was that knowledgeable and skilled preparation makes the difference between an adequate presentation and a truly excellent one. Every speaker needs to take the time to do serious prep-work on the space where they will be presenting, to ensure that
they and their room are working together to drive the message home. Is the right microphone available? Are you aware of the seating layout? What about staging?
Is there a riser? Is there a lectern? And, perhaps most importantly, are you prepared enough to make modifications to your presentation if necessary? What follows are a few tips to help you to be better prepared for setting up your room...
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YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE
Do ever get inspirational messages from friends in your e-mail? They are usually quotes from famous people saying positive things about love and life. I have a network of friends and clients who send me this stuff by the truckload every day. Cyber-space if full of clever sayings and sage advice. The problem is that we get so many of these good-will messages in our mailbox each morning that we often gloss over them and move on to the business of the day. It's a classic case of too much information. But there is one message that you should not ignore. It has been circulating the globe for a few years now, so you might have received it several times from a few different sources. It is one of the best and most important aphorisms of our time. Even if you delete every other clever quip you receive this year, save this one. And remember it well. It is from a speech given by Nelson Mandela, and it reads like this:
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THE STRUGGLE
people love to whine. Even in their every-day conversations, people complain a great deal. They grumble about life and other people, how they can be tedious and boring, or unpleasant and painful, and how it all is so utterly unfair. Some people will gripe every day of their lives until something happens to shake them out of this dreary state of mind. Alas, that thing is often a life-shattering tragedy. I can tell you the exact day I took
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THE “WHY” MUST BE BG ENOUGH
Have you ever set a goal and not achieved it? What happened? Did you quit? Did you lose the passion or the drive to complete it? Did you even Try ?
I have a philosophy about setting goals. You can set any goal, big or small, short or tall, and get them all if you know why you want it
-- but, the “why” has to be big enough.
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POWER OF PERSISTENCE
From my own personal experience, I can tell you that persistence is powerful. Following a near-fatal accident in 1989, I was told that I would not walk, so I learned to run. Today I stand before audiences to share my lessons, in the hope, that I might help others to overcome the challenges, obstacles, and adversities that they face, in both their personal and professional lives. I truly believe, that we can all achieve the goals we set, if we persist.
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LIFE IS DIFFICULT;
IT DOESN'T MEAN
You Can't Enjoy The Ride!
Attitude is key to handling any challenge in life. I encourage you to read the following article written by my client and friend, whose attitude has helped him endure and overcome some insurmountable challenges.
Michael McGauley
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EVERYDAY HEROES
I must have seen it a dozen times over the last few years on TV commercials and during interviews. Some wealthy sports celebrity or pop music star crosses their arms and responds to their critics with that latest of media cliches: “I am not a role model.” Every time I hear it, I have to shake my head. Are you telling me that you don’t want to be a hero to all of those people who look up to you? Are you saying you don’t want to use your influence to make the world a better place for our children and us? I look at these angry, pouting media darlings who have been given so much, and who have so much to give, and I have to think, “You, my sad friend, don’t know what you are missing.”
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DEFINING SUCCESS FOR YOURSELF
Last week, I had a long heart-to-heart chat with a friend of mine who telephoned from New York. I’ll call her Carol, although that’s not her real name. She was not feeling altogether well about herself and was looking for someone to help her mull things over.
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Empty Dreams Enlightened Dreams
Some years ago I was involved in a brutal car accident where a drunk driver crushed me nearly to death. It was probably the definitive moment of my life. Everything that I do now stems back from the lessons I learned during that ordeal and throughout my years in recovery. I often say to people that the accident nearly killed me, and then it saved my life.
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FACE IT
My friend Jim has a sign over his desk that says FACE IT in bold type. I never really understood why it was there, or what it meant. When I finally asked him, he shot me one of his cagey smiles and said, “What do you think?”
I confessed that I had no idea.
He said, “You know: Face it. Look at it. Take a stab at it.
I asked, “But, what is ‘it,’ Jim?”
Again with the smile. “Fear,” he said. “Face your fear.”
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NO ONE GETS OUT ALIVE
Most people are familiar with the immortal words of Mark Twain, who said, “The only things certain in this life is death and taxes.” While some politicians might promise to do away with certain taxes, I know of no one who can guarantee that you can get out of this life alive. Those who believe in God and an Afterlife are even more likely to understand that this precious gift which is life on this earth has a time limit on it, and when its over, my friends, it is REALLY over.
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GETTING THE EDGE Part 1
It is no secret that innovation is vital to ones success in the modern corporate environment. If you want to “Get the Edge,” you and your team need to take a fresh look at all aspects of your work environment and come up with new ways of looking at old ideas. This is the essence of lateral thinking, or, as it is often referred, “thinking outside of the box.”
When asked to speak on “Getting the Edge,” I often discuss new and fresh ways of looking at time and time management. These different ways of looking at time are designed to “shake up” your ideas about how you perceive your work day, and encourage you to start looking at the resources you have at your disposal in a new and invigorating way.
Here are a few commonly held myths that altogether too many people live by:
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GETTING THE EDGE Part 2
In the first installment of this series, I discussed the need for innovative ways to conceptualize your time, and presented two myths that hold people back from making the most of their time each day. Continuing from where we left off, here is another pair of popular fallacies:
Myth#3 The longer you work, the more you get done
This is a dangerous assumption that leads to burnout, lost opportunities and, in some cases, staggering financial losses. I strongly suggest you dispose of this attitude immediately.
Hard working people don’t need to put in more hours on the job. They need to create a routine that works for them every day. It’s a bit like going to the gym, or going on a diet. Does this sound familiar to you? Someone you know wants to shed those extra pounds, so they join a gym and go nuts on the machines. They think the harder they work the better, but they have no plan. The result is their bodies are always sore and they are always tired. Soon the idea of going to the gym doesn’t interest them anymore, and finally, they quit, without ever having lost a pound. Then there are the “failed diet” people. They starve themselves, then they cheat, and then they starve themselves again, sometimes ending up in worse shape them when they started. Ask any personal trainer and they will tell you that physical fitness requires a plan. This is the same as your professional life. Get on a program and stick to it. It is the only way to best use your time.
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MOST ADDICTIVE SUBSTANCE
My friends, I have some “sobering” news. After years of personal research, I believe I have uncovered the most addictive substance in the world. This is, without a doubt, the cruelest drug of all, and you can find it almost anywhere in our culture. It’s in our schools, in our workplaces and in our homes. It ruins lives every day. It’s worse than cocaine and heroin, more pervasive than tobacco, and oddly enough, more socially tolerated than alcohol. Almost everyone has indulged in it, and many are hopelessly addicted to its insidious, menacing “buzz.” I know, because I am one of those people who struggle with this addiction, and I am taking steps to recover.
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THE SMALL DECISIONS COUNT !
These days, lots of experts want to give you advice on how to handle the big decisions in your life, like buying your first home, selecting a career, or deciding whether or not to have children. This is good, as we could all use a little advice about big decisions. But! What about the small decisions? How important are they? Do we need any guidance in how we handle them?
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PASSION AND COMMITMENT
There is nothing more inspiring then the true story of a man beating the odds. One of my favorites is the one about an over-the-hill short-order cook who became a multi-millionaire, and a living icon around the world. What makes this story important is that the success of this man has nothing to do with him “knowing the right people,” or being blessed with “dumb luck.” This is the story of a man who made good out of a bad situation, using passion and commitment to support one great idea.
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SOME DAY PLAN
Most of us use the “Someday Plan”….
“Someday I will be happy”
“Someday I will enjoy the work that I do”
“Someday I will have the money to retire, or travel…”
But does the “someday plan” really work?
If we could comb a graveyard and ask those that have gone before us whether they accomplished all that they set out to do in life, many would probably say they did not. Why? Likely because they bought into the “someday plan”.
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SOMEDAY PLAN FOR TEENS
Recently, I was asked to speak to a group of high school kids about starting your own business. I used to be intimidated at the prospect of lecturing teenagers, but I got over it after this one engagement. Anyone who thinks that our children are not ambitious or enthusiastic about life certainly hasn’t spoken to any kids lately! If anything, the youth of today are more dedicated to their own personal success than many adults. What’s more, they “get” stuff that goes over the heads of a lot of grown-ups.
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TIPS FOR A SMALL BUSINESS:
Software Solutions for Keeping Track of Your Contacts
Most speakers' organizations are one- or two-person operations. This means that, while you call yourself a speaker, you are also an accountant, a marketer, a promoter, and a business manager. You also have to contend with developing a web site, staying current with what is going on in your field of expertise, and,
of course, creating and maintaining that important database. With all of these extra tasks, speaking is more than a full-time job. Sometimes it feels like two or three jobs! Of course, new technologies are a big help...
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MASTERING THE PARADIGM SHIFT
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There is a legend about the famous and mysterious Shaolin Temple in China, where the craft of war and the practice of deep mediation were merged to create such martial arts as Kung Fu. It is said that the monks who study there, even to this day, possess incredible skills developed through years of practice and intense concentration
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